Wow.

So. I forgot I had this place.

I’m really sorry I neglected you <3

I’m half way through my year at uni, my last post was the day I got in!!! That’s crazy.

I’ll update more often guys, I promise.

I do have another one at www.mattiescribbles.wordpress.com , which is about my writing and works like that. So, yeah. Go there.

I think I’ll continiue posting my most private stuff in here.
And, in the same vein as before,  there’s this girl I really like. So, yeah, she’s 16, and I’m 18, but that’s not to much of a problem is it?!

Her names Lauren. She’s..well, wow. I dunno, she’s so nice, and gorgeous too ;D

But yeah. Some days, I just feel so up beat and happy, and others…I feel like all I deserve is death. But since Lauren as been there…happiness is all I ever feel.
I don’t know why I got such major mood swings. I guess I just let things get to me too much, to quickly. I’d store all this bad shit inside, and then one day it’d just BAM all rush out in on major emo mood swing, and all I’ll be able to do is cry.

I don’t know blog, I just don’t know.

xoxo Gossip Girl.

Portsmouth Uni, watch out.

I got into uni. How fucking incredible is that?

I got the letter today, the day before results day. So, thank fuck, the night before, I can have a decent nights sleep, rather than staying up till ridiculous hours with worry.

Oh my days. I haven’t done much since I got home. My holiday was amazing, I’ve seen the acropolis and the Egyptian Pyramids and Sphinx. Fucking epic.
Also, it hit 40+ degrees a couple of times. yay warm. Came home…fucking raining.

I hung around with the kids hostesses and kids club most of the time, as I knew the hostesses from a previous cruise, and as I’m 18 now, I just sorta chilled. Helped the kids make the props for their Romeo and Juliet play.

That Romeo and Juliet was actually totally amazing. Made me laugh.

But since I’ve got back, I’ve got drunk, hung out with Rebecca, and decided I like this other girl. She’s cute.
Rebecca’s gone back to Florida. Well, I say gone. I mean, she goes tomorrow at 5a.m. So it’s as good as gone. I’ll miss her. Although, me, Vinnie, Tasj, Jen and probably Mark are going to stay with Rebe next summer over in Florida. Epic.

I’ll leave you with a joke.
There’s two monkeys, one’s running a bath.
He turns to the other monkey and goes “OOO OOO! OO OOO OOOO!”
To which the second monkey replies, “well, I did tell you to put some more cold in”

BA DUM TISH!

Yay

Today.

18th June. I became a man.

That’s right I am 18 now.

I feel different. I feel MATURE. Well, not really…but ya know!

I made…£240 so far. And I’ve spent…£110 so far,

I bought…
New skinny jeans….£30
Osiris shoes….£60
Teatowel Scarf thing…£10

plus lunch and stuff. it was a good lol today.

Saw the new Hulk film. it’s actually WAY good.

Edward Norton is totally a way good actor.

Go see the film. I enjoyed it. It had lots of original hulk references, and was actually full of BOOM EXPLOSIONS.

Love you all.

=D

What’choo chattin about?

had her funeral today.
it was…emotional.
lots of tears.
still wearing the purple ribbons in memory.
I do miss her alot.
The funeral offered a…sort of closure, in a way.

I wonder if you watched your funeral from Heaven? I hope you did, I hope you saw how upset everyone was with this accident, and just how many people love you. Will always love you. You heard your dad, you’ll always be a family of five, even if it’s just in spirit.

Seeing your coffin today Emma…gave me that sense of finality. The sense of finality I needed to realise that this IS real, and this HAS happened. It IS a tragic accident, but still. It happened.

I was able to say goodbye, to tell her I was sorry for being upset, and that she’ll always be my friend.

Her mum was right when she said that Emma was such a loving caring person, she really did care about everyone. All of her friends loved her, and she loved all of them, in her own special way.

And yet, she wouldn’t talk to other people about her problems
“But mum, why should I burden my friends with my problems when they have so many of their own?”
That’s what her mum told us she’d say.

Oh Emma, if only we could have all talked to you.

I’ll always miss you, have fun in heaven, save me a place.

See you later Emz, xxx

Emma.

You’re not meant to die Emma.

Not at 18.

How can you just leave us all? your family? your friends? your boyfriend?

We all hurt so bad, your parents and sisters especially.

I can’t believe you did that.

It hasn’t sunk in yet Emma, I still expect to see you walk around a corner, with your cheeky grin and say “don’t worry, it was just a joke”.

But you won’t.
I won’t ever see you again.

We didn’t even get to say goodbye Emma, and now we won’t. Not properly.

I know we broke up, and I haven’t spoken to you much recently, but we were just starting to become friends again, and I wasn’t angry at you, not really. I’ll always be your friend, even if you’re up there. I’m sorry.

They’re gonna give you a memorial at college, and we all just…cried for you today, missed lessons, spoke about how surreal this all is, and how we all miss you.

You weren’t meant to die at 18, not with all the stuff you had planned and with everything you wanted to do with your life.
I can’t believe you meant to die Emma, I honestly can’t.
I wish I could understand, I really do.

Manjay misses you,
your mum dad and sisters miss you,
we all miss you.

You’re loved by everyone Emma, and you’ll always be remembered as the amazing girl you are.

We love you.

Watch over us from heaven please?

Goodbye Emma. You’ll always be in our hearts and remembered
we love you.
xxx

):

):

I just cried in front of my mother.

for the first time since I was little, my mum saw me when I was upset.
I don’t hate her
I could never hate her…

I was just acting angry, I’m sorry.

must…see…

Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay

must. watch. movie.

creamed myself when I heard about it.

also, must see Pineapple Express too.
That also looks good.

Vinnies tomorrow. Gonna be sexy xD

I haven’t written in here in a while :S

Life is going good.
Everything is OK i suppose.

and yay, reading fest 08 ^_^

WOOO!

GUESS WHAT GUY IS GOING TO READING FEST?

THIS GUY, THAT’S WHO!

Score.

(:

I’m SO happy with life right now.

I’d take you out to dinner. But I can’t find my pants!

Gawd. Again, can’t go to Emmas.

Karma must hate us!

Everytime there’s something that stops us *cries*

Today it’s cause she lost her passport, which she really needs o_O

DAMN.
next time maybe.

Also, HE just completely clings to her like glue, he barely gives us any time alone, it’s frustrating. He should just leave us alone sometimes, stop trying to controlling her life.

Seems she completely has ME under HER thumb though, I seem to be jumping to do everything she says, even taking orders o_O.

I’m content atm, don’t change life, stay this way (:

Mummy’s birthday tomorrow.

Much love.

xxx

Wtf.

I have no reason to be depressed AT ALL

I have a good love life, good friends, good family life, good college life

and yet for some reason that I can’t discern, I feel like CRAP.

Like, REALLY insanely depressed.

What the fuck is wrong with me.